Thursday, September 7, 2006

characterization


Oberon's mum


The piece below is part of a novel I'm working on. I'm trying to characterise the protagonist's mother-in-law. Any feedback would be much appreciated.
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Zephaniah

By Lou 2005 (c)

Kirin's mother-in-law drives a minibus. It's not that she's a bus driver, oh no. Her personal vehicle of choice is a second-hand bus she bought for a song five years ago. Having begun volunteering at an orphanage and old folk's home, she wanted the Mercedes bus for ferrying the children and senior citizens on excursions and such. The eighteen-seater works for her – big enough to carry a boisterous party, small enough to manoeuvre around corners and into parking spots. She had the old double seats ripped out and put in firmly cushioned double and single seats. She got it repainted in lime green too. When she's not driving anyone anywhere, she'd put her favourite potted plant of the day in the foot well of the front passenger seat.

Sometimes her muscular short-legged dog of indeterminate breed goes along for a spin – riding shotgun securely strapped into the front seat like a psychotic patient who has just morphed into a wolf.

Zephaniah Rada is the name in the birth certificate of Kirin's mum-in-law. Her ancestry – traceable ones are Irish, Ceylonese and Chinese – is almost as mixed as her dog's. Zeph, as she likes people to call her, named her son Oberon. When Obie was twenty-five years old, he was dating three young women. A year later, he was married to Kirin, the one Zeph had least liked. His mother's complaint was that Kirin was too ordinary – the beautiful young woman, in the eyes of the older one, did not possess quirks, idiosyncrasies or eccentricities.

Right or wrong, Zeph concluded that Oberon, for reasons he didn't disclose and she hadn't asked about, had deliberately not chosen a woman like his mother.

6 comments:

Xeus said...

Is this for your children's book? It really depends on the target audience. If it's the children's book, then it's too much description. If it's for an adult target audience, then it's really great.

Argus Lou said...

Thanks, Xeus. It's for a novel for adults. Remember my children's book is going nowhere real 'cepat'.

I just moved house today and yesterday - kind of hectic at the mo'. Might be offline for a week or two, hopefully less. Aarrgghh! What will I do without the Internet?!

Xeus said...

Jerry is going to Frankfurt next month and has asked for our first 3 chapters because he's going to attempt a sale :)

Argus Lou said...

OK, Xeus, good to know. Ya mean the children's novel, right?

Will try to give him my first 3 chapters by end of this month.

bibliobibuli said...

love it. nicely humourous. i want more.

Argus Lou said...

Thanks, Bib, for the encouragement. It means a lot to a 'young' writer.

My old living-room

My old living-room
In Petaling Jaya, Malaysia

A cherished dream

A cherished dream
To live on a pale beach by a crystal clear sea. (This was taken on the east coast of Johor state, Malaysia.)

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