characterization

Oberon's mum


The piece below is part of a novel I'm working on. I'm trying to characterise the protagonist's mother-in-law. Any feedback would be much appreciated.
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Zephaniah
By Lou 2005 (c)

Kirin's mother-in-law drives a minibus. It's not that she's a bus driver, oh no. Her personal vehicle of choice is a second-hand bus she bought for a song five years ago. Having begun volunteering at an orphanage and old folk's home, she wanted the Mercedes bus for ferrying the children and senior citizens on excursions and such. The eighteen-seater works for her – big enough to carry a boisterous party, small enough to manoeuvre around corners and into parking spots. She had the old double seats ripped out and put in firmly cushioned double and single seats. She got it repainted in lime green too. When she's not driving anyone anywhere, she'd put her favourite potted plant of the day in the foot well of the front passenger seat.

Sometimes her muscular short-legged dog of indeterminate breed goes along for a spin – riding shotgun securely strapped into the front seat like a psychotic patient who has just morphed into a wolf.

Zephaniah Rada is the name in the birth certificate of Kirin's mum-in-law. Her ancestry – traceable ones are Irish, Ceylonese and Chinese – is almost as mixed as her dog's. Zeph, as she likes people to call her, named her son Oberon. When Obie was twenty-five years old, he was dating three young women. A year later, he was married to Kirin, the one Zeph had least liked. His mother's complaint was that Kirin was too ordinary – the beautiful young woman, in the eyes of the older one, did not possess quirks, idiosyncrasies or eccentricities.

Right or wrong, Zeph concluded that Oberon, for reasons he didn't disclose and she hadn't asked about, had deliberately not chosen a woman like his mother.

inane chat between Cockney guys

Slovenian or Alien?


“I tell yer me trouble and strife is an alien.”
“Sure. Sluvnia isn’t exactly this neck of us woods.”
“No, I mean Zianna is from outer space.”
“Yer mean another planet?”
“Yes.”
“Cop out of 'ere!”
“Hear me out first.”
“Okay. Wot did she do?”
“For one, she arranges effryfink in rectangles and squares. She even cuts an apple till the core is a rectangle.”
“That o'course immediately makes 'er a Martian.”
“If yer’re gonna be like that, I’m gonna change the bloomin' subject. Obviously, right, yer don’t take me straight up.”
“Straight up? I’m sposed ter believe that yor luvly trouble and strife is an E.T.?”
“It sounds crazy. Listen. There’s this uvver fin'.”
“Wot?”
“She sleeps wiv 'er feet next ter my loaf of bread and 'er loaf of bread next ter my feet.”
“And if yer turn 'round?”
“She goes the chuffin' other way.”
“Yer’re nuts.”
“I’m nuts, is it? I tell yer Zianna is an alien.”
“I won’t ask yer 'ow yer make luv ter her. I refuse ter go there. So wot other evidence will yer put forff?”
“Her eatin' 'abits.”
“Yeah, eh? Wot about them?”
“She eats only food of certain colours, say, corn, peas, tomatoes, right, pumpkin. If a food is of an indistinguishable colour, she won’t touch it.”
“Neever would I but I’m still an Earfflin'.”
“Yer don’t believe me at all.”
“I believe yer, but the bleedin' finks yer mentioned don’t make Zianna an extraterrestrial. She’s just eccentric.”
“Right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then 'ow do yer account for 'er gahn missin' for two days effry time the moon is full?”

--- --- ---

The following is the original dialogue:

“I tell you my wife is an alien.”
“Sure. Slovenia isn’t exactly this neck of our woods.”
“No, I mean Zianna is from outer space.”
“You mean another planet?”
“Yes.”
“Get out of here!”
“Hear me out first.”
“Okay. What did she do?”
“For one, she arranges everything in rectangles and squares. She even cuts an apple till the core is a rectangle.”
“That of course immediately makes her a Martian.”
“If you’re going to be like that, I’m going to change the subject. Obviously, you don’t take me seriously.”
“Seriously? I’m supposed to believe that your lovely wife is an E.T.?”
“It sounds crazy. Listen. There’s this other thing.”
“What?”
“She sleeps with her feet next to my head and her head next to my feet.”
“And if you turn around?”
“She goes the other way.”
“You’re nuts.”
“I’m nuts? I tell you Zianna is an alien.”
“I won’t ask you how you make love to her. I refuse to go there. So what other evidence will you put forth?”
“Her eating habits.”
“Yeah? What about them?”
“She eats only food of certain colours, say, corn, peas, tomatoes, pumpkin. If a food is of an indistinguishable colour, she won’t touch it.”
“Neither would I but I’m still an Earthling.”
“You don’t believe me at all.”
“I believe you, but the things you mentioned don’t make Zianna an extraterrestrial. She’s just eccentric.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Then how do you account for her going missing for two days every time the moon is full?”


(522 words all in)

The above was in response to this writing exercise:
Create a scene, of 600 words or less, where two (or more) characters have a conversation. Choose one of your characters to “dialectize.”
Now go to this site:
http://www.freelang.net/references.html
and about halfway down you’ll see The Dialectizer. Convert your chosen character’s dialogue using the dialectizer.
Try it; it's fun!